Sex Addiction and Addiction Interaction

Remember the carnival game “Whac-a-Mole”?  Moles would pop up through a hole and the object of the game was to force individual moles back into their hole with a mallet.  The goal is to make them disappear as fast as possible when they rear their heads.  Addiction interaction is like the “Whac-a-mole” game. 

 

I had my chemical addiction credentials for over a decade before receiving my Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) credentials.  For years I noticed the phenomenon as one would get sober from alcohol or drugs, other behaviors might begin to creep in as problematic or new focus in an unhealthy, unbalanced, way. I would see clients cease drinking and begin shopping to excess, or beyond one’s means. Men would stop drinking, but with new renewed clarity and focus, begin work to excess. This work drive would become a detriment to family obligations and life balance.  Even more, I would notice within marriages where addiction had been present, one spouse would shop to excess and the other spouse would feel like they were obligated to keep up with the debt forcing unhealthy work escalations in response.

The Case of Anthony Wiener (Part 2): Why Does His Wife Stay?

As I listened to CNN cover the aspects of the Anthony Wiener story, two questions stuck with me from the various reports:

1.    Is Sexting Cheating?

2.    Why does his wife stay?

This post will explore the second question: “Why does his wife stay?”

(See the previous post: The Case of Anthony Wiener – Part 1 for “Is Sexting Cheating?”)

Anthony Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, has come out in public statements maintaining that she forgives her husband and chooses to stay by his side.  csmonitorThere is much discussion about the shocking reports that he is doing his sexting thing ….AGAIN. There are questions about why his wife would stay.  She is an intelligent woman who has gone on record to say she forgives him and he is a good man.

The Case of Anthony Weiner (Part 1): Is Sexting Cheating?

As I listened to CNN cover the aspects of the Anthony Weiner story, two questions stuck with me from the various reports:

1.    Is Sexting Cheating?

2.    Why does his wife stay?


Question 1:  Robin Meade asked, as the station went to commercial break:

“Is Sexting Cheating?”


This question implies that his behavior is a question of morals.  As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist who teaches workshops to therapists on the subject of the marriage impacted by sex addiction, I am interested when I hear people think about compulsive behavior as a moral issue.  As a credentialed chemical addiction counselor we know the first collateral indicator for screening in addiction is:  “Continuation (of the behavior) despite negative consequences.”  I remember in the 1970’s, chemical dependency was viewed as a moral issue.  Similarly, we used to think about depression in a similar vein.   “Well why can’t they just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and just get on with things?”

The Two D’s in Sex Addiction Recovery

"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality."   - Abraham Lincoln

In a previous post I have written about the two D’s in Sex Addiction:  Discovery and Disclosure.  This post will highlight the two D’s of Recovery. 

Recently, I was at my 5:15 a.m. spin class when the instructor shouted out “O.K. you got yourself here – that is the first part….now show us what you are made of!”  She talked about “the two D’s”:  Discipline and Drive.  First you have to show up, and while you are here….you must do the work and apply the energy.  These principles apply whether one wants to lose weight, plan for a triathlon, or finish an ironman.