The Case of Anthony Wiener (Part 2): Why Does His Wife Stay?

As I listened to CNN cover the aspects of the Anthony Wiener story, two questions stuck with me from the various reports:

1.    Is Sexting Cheating?

2.    Why does his wife stay?

This post will explore the second question: “Why does his wife stay?”

(See the previous post: The Case of Anthony Wiener – Part 1 for “Is Sexting Cheating?”)

Anthony Weiner’s wife, Huma Abedin, has come out in public statements maintaining that she forgives her husband and chooses to stay by his side.  csmonitorThere is much discussion about the shocking reports that he is doing his sexting thing ….AGAIN. There are questions about why his wife would stay.  She is an intelligent woman who has gone on record to say she forgives him and he is a good man.

The Case of Anthony Weiner (Part 1): Is Sexting Cheating?

As I listened to CNN cover the aspects of the Anthony Weiner story, two questions stuck with me from the various reports:

1.    Is Sexting Cheating?

2.    Why does his wife stay?


Question 1:  Robin Meade asked, as the station went to commercial break:

“Is Sexting Cheating?”


This question implies that his behavior is a question of morals.  As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist who teaches workshops to therapists on the subject of the marriage impacted by sex addiction, I am interested when I hear people think about compulsive behavior as a moral issue.  As a credentialed chemical addiction counselor we know the first collateral indicator for screening in addiction is:  “Continuation (of the behavior) despite negative consequences.”  I remember in the 1970’s, chemical dependency was viewed as a moral issue.  Similarly, we used to think about depression in a similar vein.   “Well why can’t they just pull themselves up by their bootstraps and just get on with things?”

The Two D’s in Sex Addiction Recovery

"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality."   - Abraham Lincoln

In a previous post I have written about the two D’s in Sex Addiction:  Discovery and Disclosure.  This post will highlight the two D’s of Recovery. 

Recently, I was at my 5:15 a.m. spin class when the instructor shouted out “O.K. you got yourself here – that is the first part….now show us what you are made of!”  She talked about “the two D’s”:  Discipline and Drive.  First you have to show up, and while you are here….you must do the work and apply the energy.  These principles apply whether one wants to lose weight, plan for a triathlon, or finish an ironman.  

The Sex Addiction Cycle, The Super Bowl, and The Audi

 

During the recent Super Bowl Sunday “parade of super commercials” Audi had a commercial depicting a young man going to the Prom.  He was going to the prom alone.   In that determination to go alone he had several family members and friends taunting him with the words “no one goes to the Prom alone”.  Even his grade-school aged sister in the chorus of taunts says:  “Only losers go to the Prom alone.”  His dad offers him the key to the Audi as incentive and courage to go it alone.  The next scene flashes and we see him boisterously walking onto the stage to take the prom queen and whisk her off in the A4.  The final scene portrays the young man and the prom queen screaming in the thrill of going top speed in the A4.  The commercial ends with the slogan “Bravery.  It is what defines us.”