The Two D-Day’s of Sex Addiction

"To do anything in this world worth doing, we must not stand back shivering and thinking of the cold and danger, but jump in, and scramble through as well as we can." -Sydney Smith

D-Day.  The mention of D-Day usually conjures up the invasion of the Normandy Beaches on June 6, 1944, bloody battles that ensued, and ultimately liberation from German occupation during World War II.  In Sex Addiction treatment with addicts, spouses, and couples that I sit with, we sometimes refer to two D-days.  The first D-Day we refer to as “Discovery Day”.  The second D-Day is “Disclosure Day”.

The Partner’s Fear of Letting Go in Sex Addiction

Recently I wrote a post on the experience of teaching my daughter to ride her two-wheel bike for the first time.  From my experience of being a road cyclist and watching her gain skills for balance on the bike, I noticed the parallels of cycling and recovery.  In this post I want to look at the perspective of the person running behind the bike.  The experience of being a parent and running behind the bike supporting my daughter with the need to let go, I am reminded of the spouse’s process necessary in the recovery process of sex addiction.    Have you experienced the feeling of running behind a child, supporting the child on the bike, yet, knowing you need to let go?  Do you remember the feeling the panic of the moment you knew you needed to let them go so they will find their own skill, power, and strength to continue?   How can a parent let go running behind the bike knowing full well there might be hurt involved?  How can a spouse stop being vigilant knowing there might be more unconscionable collateral damage?  Often, the spouse has been broadsided with the discovery of the addiction and it would seem counter-intuitive to let go of vigilance now!

Overheard at The 93rd PGA…Sex in the City Meets Family Values

Do you remember the Clinton Era when current events were catalyst  to anxiety-provoking conversations with our children?  Conversations that we could have never imagined?  Do you remember the media sound bites that pushed the envelope for further definitions of adult conversations?”   I felt it was deja vous at the 93rd PGA!  This past weekend John’s Creek, Georgia hosted the prestigious 93rd PGA Golf Tournament.  As a Metro-Atlanta community we were excited to see people and the golfers seeking their prize come from all over the world.  Most days there were  40,000-50,000 spectators in attendance.  The whole event was quite a spectacle.  Earlier this year the PGA President Alan Wronowski announced its junior golf initiative.   He announced plans to launch the PGA Sports Academy to grow participation among junior golfers that promote fitness, nutrition, rules, etiquette, sportsmanship and life skills.  The PGA promotes strong vision for family participation and growing youth in the sport.  To aid the effort Junior Tickets were offered free of charge!  We attended 3 of 4 days as a family.

Cultural Messages, the Power of Suggestion, and Sex Addiction

"The best thing you can spend on your children is your time."  –Louise Hart

Friday evening with temperatures nearing 100 degrees Fahrenheit, I decided to do my scheduled run indoors on the treadmill.   To break the monotony of treadmill running, I decided to flip on the TV. I thought MTV could be music to help keep pace and the images might break the doldrums of static focus.  The MTV channel counted down the top 20 music videos of Fuse.tv.  As I ran watching images projected from the screen, my mind wandered to the several adolescents and their families that have contacted me in the recent weeks for their struggles with pornography.  As I watched I thought of the messages projected onto our youth in the form of entertainment.