Welcome to my website and blog. This blog started as a vision. I am proud to finally make it reality. Similarly, many who struggle in addiction have a vision. The vision is one they can’t quite realize and make reality for themselves. This blog is an effort to help others actualize the vision they may have for a life free from addiction, free from the chaos that often accompanies addictive process, and help achieve the vision of recovery. A sober life begins living with intention (and an admittance of powerlessness).
Have you seen the AT&T commercial about the family that loses their Internet connection? It is a farcical depiction of what it might be like if your Internet goes down and how AT&T can save you from such horrors. The wife runs in breathless to her husband and asks, “Is the internet back on yet?” He answers in a deranged mental state with imaginary typing “Yeah-ssss!”. The scene flashes to“19 minutes without Internet”. The husband sits on the couch in almost a despondent and catatonic state while the wife, in hysterics, is trying to communicate a “like” on her friend’s Facebook page, to no avail. Scene change: Minute 22 without the Internet. The husband is lying on the kitchen floor in front of the sink recalling fond memories of internet use. He is in a sweaty state of Internet Withdrawal as the wife applies cold compresses to his forehead. She comforts him. Scene change: Minute 27. The husband appears out of the upstairs window while shooting an emergency flare and angrily yelling “We are over here!” to the imagined beings that might help save them and restore internet power.
Farcical commercial? Or comedy imitates real life? How internet-dependent have we have become?
"Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality."-- Abraham Lincoln
By now the resolutions, that most people had set to enter 2016, have begun to fade. Goals and New Year’s resolutions are great for vision, but lack the mechanics to get one to successful completion.
Sustained successful recovery cannot be attained with vision or willpower alone. Willpower is the unwavering strength to carry out one’s wishes. Willpower is instinctual but needs help to be sustained. This is where mastery of self-control, repeated over time creates sustained successful recovery. If addiction is “habits to the bad”, successful recovery is “creating habits to the good”. “Pushing the dark out” is hard. “Inviting the light in” is so much easier.
"One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything."
- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
For the spouse betrayed by Sexual Addiction, reminders can seem everywhere. These reminders are called triggers. Triggers to “offensive stimulus” feel like they might not ever go away. In the recent days of the Ashley Madison Data Breach and Josh Duggar’s sexual secrets revealed, spouses report in my office asking if the reminders of their own life’s betrayals might ever stop.
Recently clients have said in my office:
· “Can I ever go out to dinner again and not be reminded of what is going on in my life?”
· “Do I have to hear people talking about the news non-stop?”
· “Movies and television shows make me so angry. I didn’t realize how commonplace this was until I am agitated every time I see a reminder of what has impacted my life!!”